Eye of the Beholder

I just finished watching the glorious documentary "Bill Cunningham New York", and it brought me to my knees. This 84 minute movie contained such a powerful and touching story that it took me to a place - which is how I like to call a certain type of feeling - where I very rarely go to, and it is my dearest and most special place to be. Only two times before had I been this moved, and when that happened I also wrote about it.

One of them, and probably the most mind-blowing one, was in early 2010 when Patti Smith delivered the book "Just Kids", one of the most beautiful books I ever read. The minute I learned this book was coming out I had a strong feeling, I didn't read the review, I didn't know exactly what it was about, but I literally, got up from my chair and went to Barnes and Noble; only to find that the release date would be in another two weeks. Well, eventually I got it, and I cried copiously as I saw my love for the arts was coming alive through those pages.

With Bill Cunningham's documentary it was my love for beauty that came tearing out through the screen, it was my love for all that is or can be beautiful in this world. Bill said it himself - "if you seek beauty you will find it" - and I could not agree more, it brought tears to my eyes as it did to his, and I felt the most extraordinary connection to this man who is a living legend and a visionary. Bill's story, like Patti's, is of a person who feels love through every pore of their bodies, it's intangible, you can't explain it, but its there like nobody's business.

As I watched Bill Cunningham's life, work, and passion unfolding before my eyes I couldn't stop the tears from rolling down, what I had before me was a man absolutely in love with life, fashion and beauty, a man who didn't need another person or loads of money in the bank to have happiness, he had it right there, and he lived a full and happy life, with no regrets and many accomplishments.

There is a certain calm and peacefulness that I get from staring at a certain picture sometimes, and I know, that this feeling is all I want to achieve. I know that sometimes, in order to get there i will have to go through some rough patches, and that's ok, I am not looking for an entire life of fulfillment, love, passion and happiness, but what I want is as many of those "picture staring" moments as possible, I want to feel my heart beating fast and my eyes tearing up as many times as possible, I want to be able to see in other people's lives what I aim to get for my own, it makes it all more realistic, it makes it less of a fairy tale.

I recently met some very interesting and loving people, they happened in my life like the big bang to earth, and I just accepted them, just like the universe accepted earth when it turned up. One of these marvelous people invited me to a "vision board" party, where they would build vision boards for what they wanted for their future. I could not understand the concept: cutting from magazines and gluing to a cardboard didn't seem much to me; but I went anyway. What happened to me was an epiphany, I had all these images inside my heart and they simply appeared to me in magazines, and from there they jumped into a board, and that board looks exactly like my life! So, it was just like that, I realized that I do have a full life, and that I do have plenitude and that all I need is in front of me.

I won't lie to you though: it would be lovely to achieve something really pivotal for mankind... or maybe even just my neighborhood; you know!? And for at least once have someone look at all the things I did and lived through and feel their heart fill up with joy and peacefulness and have their eyes fill up with tears and their hearts fill up with joy; nothing would make me happier than to be able to inspire someone, that would probably be my greatest accomplishment, and also a great compliment.

But you know what!? If that moment never happens, I am totally cool with that, because the tears that rolled down my cheeks today, watching Bill's life in the movie, were also of recognition of all that I have achieved in my life, and I am a lucky bastard for being able to look inside myself and recognize that, and to see that I am living a full life right now, filled with love, joy and strength; and for all my blue and trying moments I can save a pitiful laughter, for they are powerless in front of my beautifully accomplished vision board of a life.

Take a look at the trailer by clicking HERE.